I’m continuing in our series for my single Christian sisters on Finding Mr. Right. Today, in part two of the topic on “Have I found Mr. Right?,” I want to cover a laundry list of items for you to work through in determining whether or not you have found Mr. Right.
Honestly, I hesitate for this to feel like a “checklist.” I myself cringe at the thought of being judged and “graded” by my fellow man, and judging others’ conduct on a 10-point scale is not in our job description as Christians!
However, dating and pre-marriage relationships among Christians are a time to seek God’s wisdom in discerning, “Have I found Mr. Right?” You’ve heard it said to enter marriage with your eyes wide open, but then spend your married years with your eyes half shut? Well, now is the time to ask God to open your eyes to know His will and His plan for your future, and to lead you to walk in His will for you. Seek Him through His word and prayer and the counsel of godly Christian mentors as you grow in your relationship with a potential Mr. Right.
Remember that Mr. Right will love God more than he loves you. Mr. Right loves God because God loved him first. God loved Him and saved him, and it is God who is at work in him both to will and to work for God’s good pleasure (both Mr. Right’s desire to serve God and his ability to do it come from God). Mr. Right is a sinner and should not be held to a standard of perfection — that’s why he needs Jesus! However, observe the fruit in the life of potential Mr. Right to see what God is doing in Him and how God has worked in him.
Can you and Mr. Right walk in agreement (Amos 3:3)? Can you and Mr. Right raise a family together? Do you and can you respect Mr. Right? If you marry him, God doesn’t give you an option but to respect him. You better open those eyes wide, sister!!
If a man is interested in you and you are interested in him, please prayerfully consider the words I’m going to share here. Seek God, and ask Him for wisdom and help. Look up the scripture references linked here, and lay the plumbline of the word of God alongside your relationship with Mr. Potential.
Okay, I’m diving in……
..We are to be in fellowship with other believers in a local church. Is he plugged in? Is he seeking to find a local body? Is this a priority for him? God says it’s a priority. Hebrews 10:25
..Does Mr. Right show respect to his parents? Is he commited to providing for and caring for them in their old age? Proverbs 30:17
..Is Mr. Right committed to work? Mr. Right should “work in quietness and eat [his] own bread,” 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15
..There is no room in a Christian’s vocabulary or speech for filthiness, foolish talking, nor coarse jesting…rather giving of thanks. Ephesians 5:4
..Stay away from a man with a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood (or a hateful heart), and a heart that devises wicked plans. If he has feet that are swift in running to evil, if he is a false witness who speaks lies, or if he is one who sows discord among brethren, discontinue the relationship. These 7 sins are an abomination to the Lord. Proverbs 6:16-19
..Mr. Right is sober-minded. He shows himself to be a pattern of good works in all things. He shows integrity, reverence, and incorruptibility in doctrine. Titus 2:6-8
..Mr. Right is honest. He is not deceitful. He does not cheat in a game. He does not steal from his employer or the government. He is without guile and without hypocrisy. Ephesians 4:25, 28
..In his anger, Mr. Right seeks God that he would not sin. I wish this could go without saying, but Mr. Right would never physically abuse you or anyone else. Period. Ephesians 4:26-27
..Mr. Right submits to God-given authority. 1 Peter 2:13-17
..Mr. Right does not run in a lifestyle of lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, or abominable idolatries. 1 Peter 4:3
..Godly wisdom does not self-promote. “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom.” You’ll see the wisdom given to Mr. Right by God in fruit: first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.” James 3:13-18
..Mr. Right honors God with his resources. His money and time are indicators of where he is investing his treasure. If he is rich (and, chances are, if you have internet access and are reading this, you are rich in comparison to most of the rest of the world’s population), he must not trust in riches but in God, using the blessing of his wealth to do good, be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up a heavenly treasure. 1 Timothy 6:17-19
..Mr. Right loves God, so therefore he loves others. If Mr. Right says, “I love God!” but he hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen. He who loves God must love his brother also. 1 John 3:23 and 4:20-21
..Mr. Right is kind and not rude to those around him. He is kind to children, he is especially kind to elderly, and he is courteous and polite to those he hires (a waitress, a bus driver, or a cashier who rings up his groceries and accidentally makes incorrect change). 1 Corinthians 13
..Mr. Right loves the word of God. Pray this for your man. Pray that God gives him an insatiable desire for word of God. Psalm 119:97
..Mr. Right is looking for a wife and help suitable for him…..not a mother. Your job is not to change your man. When you marry him, your job is to respect him and help him and join him as a fellow heir of the grace of life. What is his calling and what are his dreams? Even if that calling and his dreams change as the years slip by, your job will be to jump on board, not “mother” him into a better or different plan for his life. Genesis 2:18
If you are interested in a man who is seeking God and yet struggling in some of the above areas, I encourage you to pray and ask God to (1) make Mr. Potential strong in God’s grace that he may escape the temptation of sin and (2) ask God to give you wisdom to discern God’s leading in the relationship. And friends, there is a big difference between a man who is struggling in sin and calling out to God for help and forgiveness and the proud and arrogant man who puts himself in the place of God and discounts God’s standards and will. Pray, pray, pray, and then obey God’s will as it is revealed, sister.
I’m praying for you, that God gives you wisdom and discernment as you seek Him in your desire for a spouse. I wish I could sit down to tea or coffee with you and hear where you are and listen to what’s going on in your life. Do you have additional items you would add to this “laundry list” of spiritual fruit that we all want to seek God to work in our lives? Please comment below! I can’t wait to hear what you will bring to this discussion.
“Becoming Mrs. Right” will be posted soon, y’all! I’m already so convicted and encouraged just writing the references above to God’s truths for men and women. I’ll join you again soon in the final post in our “Finding Mr. Right” series: “Becoming Mrs. Right.” See you then..
Resources and Links
Eight Things to Convince You of a Man’s Character, by Jen Smidt at Mars Hill Church blog.
All about those Boring Men and the women who live with them, by Ann Voskamp at aholyexperience.com (Oh, girls…..ask God for one of these men).
An incredibly helpful list of links at desiringgod.org on dating and relationships.
Next post in our series on Finding Mr. Right:
Becoming Mrs. Right